just too funny not to tell

Not to long ago Billy Max 4 was hunting waterfowl with some friends and had come up to stay at the ranch with the wife and I. Now for Christmas my daughter in law had given me some sugar free gummy bears, that I had setting in my man cave to munch on occasionally. Knowing the laxative effects that sugar free candy can have, I always be careful how much of this confection I consume, especially when I am chest deep in my waders! Max 4 and I were in my cave when he spied the gummy bears sitting on a shelf. Now this man is very particular about his gummy snacks, clear ones are fine orange and white are okay but never red and green or some such shit. So he opens the bag and starts to consume way to many of the bears to be safe in the morning I tell ya. So watching I suggest we go down and get a cheese steak/Blue Moon and play some KENO at the local pizza place. Couple of Blue Moons and 5 games of KENO later we are out the door and heading for home, assembling gear for the morning hunt, it has not yet begun to snow. Now if it is one thing I am it is quiet when I go hunting, so I told Max 4 that he had best be quiet in the morning, and not wake me up as I was not going to go in the snow and blow. At 4:15 AM I am awaken by what can only be described as a space shuttle taking off in my bathroom. Then we had main engine ignition and I thought the roof was coming off the place. I was awake naturally and just about to get up and see if he wanted me to fix some ham biscuits and coffee, when I heard the sound of running feet and another booster rocket was launched from my john. Thank god he turned on the fan and did not light a match as the results would have been disastrous! Finally I hear him get out the door and the truck start up and I knew he was off for the day goose hunting. Now I have to say that in all the years I have known this man him and a bear do not have one thing in common, he cannot use the bathroom in the woods, but today would be special. While putting out decoys he was struck with what can only be described as labor pains, and sharp pains going down his inside thighs to his feet. Stopping so as not to soil his pants he waddled back and got another decoy or two and tried to set them up only to be stopped by what can best be described as the birthing process it self. Noticing a tree line 200 yds distant he decided that maybe now was the time to break the no bathroom in the woods thing and start to work his way over there. He arrived in just the nick of time finding a suitable tree and fighting to remove his waders and long johns, he managed to just get settled in when he gave birth to what can only be described as a mess. Of course his colon cornet was trumpeting and he was having sighs of relief that were heard back at the blind. Clean up was no picnic and he was getting snowed on and such at about this time, so his waders were pleasant. Waddling back to the blind the guys had some Vienna sausages on the grill and a bag of powdered doughnuts, soon a can of smoked oysters were brought out but he did not have much appetite. All in all a good hunt I guess they only got one goose, and it snowed hard as the dickens, but another story to share in the blind was born. 

last waterfowl hunt

On Thursday afternoon before the storm I had the opportunity to go and hunt geese off of Barren creek in Mardela. The farm was huge and the fields were corn stubble with plenty of corn left in them from the harvest. The geese had been hitting various spots in the field most of the week and looked like it might produce for us this evening. We set out 24 big foot , and 24 silhouette  decoys and settled into the blind as the wind came across the open field with no break, you were cold but not miserable. Of course there is no real bad weather just bad clothing choices right.  My hunting partners this evening were young men from Mardela  one of them is a student  of mine along with 6 of his friends, so it was a lively group. We had some groups of geese come on by but they had a commitment to the creek. With the full moon and oncoming bad weather the geese had stayed in the field almost all evening and that day feeding, so the creek was their destination. At the end of shooting time we cleared our guns and picked up the decoys, loading them into Gators and Kubota four wheel drive machines, goose less but happy to be out amongst em as my mother in law would say. My waterfowl was not so good this year, my marsh in OC did not produce like it should have, and I can't afford a leased piece of property. My deer hunting was good I shot a nice doe and turned it into summer sausage, that I am still eating. My dog did okay he is a great hunting companion, and is coming along slower than I thought but when he gets something he has it down quickly. So the hunting season is done for me as far as ducks and geese go. Of course we have spring turkey season which I enjoy as much if not more than ducking, but I hate the chiggers and ticks, and even more the chemicals you put on your clothes to keep those critters at bay, but I still go. So until I get that new rifle scoped up and ready for varmint hunting, I will be just hanging out, sitting on the couch, eating chicken wings and drinking Evolution beer!

Oh what a hunt!

It seems that my hunting sometimes just goes wrong from the get go and this year has been loaded with them. This morning I get up early and load up the retriever, I should call him my trusted companion cause I am not killing ducks for him to retrieve! I head on over to the marsh, It is a beautiful morning and I could tell sunrise would be an excellent show. I get the black duck, (my wooden duck boat), in the water and load up my decoys, gun and shell bag, push pole and call for Tom to come on a get in the boat. Now the Black duck is a overgrown kayak, much wider and deeper but with the same lines, and very stable so I usually push it with a push pole thru the marsh. I get it next to the dock in the boat house and get settled in call for the dog to come on and just as he steps on the deck to sit down in his spot in the cockpit he puts his paws on the same side I was sitting on getting me off balance, causing the boat to rock and I slowly and with much grabbing of air, wind up with my ass in waist deep water. Fortunately I had on my neoprene waders, wool pants and shirt with my gunning jacket, so I did not get wet, just  mad as hell that I had gotten in the water. Tom just stands in the boat looking at me with that toothy grin of his and decides we are swimming so he jumps in and swims out the boat house and out into the creek barking while I am sinking slowly deeper in the mud. I wallow my way out of the sticky mud so familiar to duck hunters, and get my buttocks up on the dock, Tom comes back and climbs up to me, gives a big shake soaking my face with dog water, and turning around in circles. I finally brush up a spot in the marsh and settle back with the dog and watch the Snow geese get up off the bay. I did not see any edible ducks, just a ton of Merganzers and Buffle heads which I don't eat so I am not big on shooting them unless I have a use for them. So another adventure, and another story, now that I am warm and dry it was kinda funny. Keep in mind the difference in this being a funny story and not a tragedy was that I was in the boat house next to the dock and able to just climb out. In open freezing water this story could have been very different for me. 

Duckhunting in the morning

You have probably noticed that I have not been duck hunting lately, mostly freezing while deer hunting. But there have been a couple of boating accidents lately that have made me stop and rethink about going out alone at night in a boat, freezing weather, with a Retriever, 24 decoys and gun bag.  I don't want to become one of those reader digest stories, or a "I (did not)  survived that" in the back of a sports afield. I don't hunt with a bunch of people, I am pretty selective of who I hunt with because of safety and game harvest reasons. One guy hunts only with a bow so duck hunting is not his thing, and my other friends just are not duck hunters and don't really enjoy all the stuff that goes with ducking. My son who was my ducking partner has discovered goose hunting friends who are spot on with the geese, so he is not in the marsh like he used to be with me. But tomorrow I am going out to my marsh blind because I can walk the marsh to get to it so no boat required. maybe a canoe around the back side if it is calm. I am going for black ducks naturally, and maybe one of those canal Mallards swimming around, fat as butterballs. But more than likely I will sit and shoot a few divers, maybe get Tom Brown a duck to retrieve if we are lucky. Of course the marsh could still be frozen over in which case I will have to shoot some small potholes and carry decoys in a bag thru the thawing marsh, much better than going to a gym! So lets see what develops and maybe we can pull in a few birds safely.